Devastation or Destiny??? Read online

  The Settled Heart...

  Written by THE BLAKK DAHLIA

  from the Heartbreak Diaries Book Series

  This is a work of fiction, although experiences are based on some true events of the author. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is coincidental.

  Cover Copyright © 2019 by E. Alexcina Brown

  Cover design by Fearless Vision Marketing

  DEVASTATION OR DESTINY???

  the Heartbreak Diaries Book Series.

  July 4, 2019.

  Copyright © 2019 The Blakk Dahlia (E. Alexcina Brown).

  Written by The Blakk Dahlia (E. Alexcina Brown).

  Published by The Blakk Dahlia 2019.

  Table of Contents

  Title Page

  Copyright Page

  The Dedication

  Chapter I: An Unbothered Bride-To-Be

  Chapter II: Rose Colored-Glasses Removed

  Chapter III: The Devastation

  Chapter IV: Newly Single and Numb

  Chapter V: Packing Up Broken Pieces

  Chapter VI: And So It Begins...

  Chapter VII: Envious Rumor?

  Chapter VIII: Secrets of the Brit

  Chapter IX: If Only She Didn’t Know...

  Chapter X: Back to Where it All Started

  The Diary

  Also By The Blakk Dahlia

  About the Author

  The Dedication

  This book is dedicated to the free-spirits. Keep traveling on your own path. What is destined for your life will always find a way to you.

  Chapter I: An Unbothered Bride-To-Be

  “Tanya! Hurry up, we’re running late!” Shauna yelled to her best friend.

  “I’m coming!” She sighed with aggravation.

  Tanya’s concern wasn’t being on time. Instead, she concentrated on her hair in the bathroom mirror.

  Shauna suddenly appeared in the doorway with her hand rested on a perched hip. “Tanya! Are you serious!?!? Why are you styling your hair now? We’ll have time to come back and get pretty before the rehearsal.”

  “I know. But I wanna be pretty now.” She responded, unbothered by her friend’s urgency. “I’ll be done in a minute.”

  “With the way I’m rushing and you slowing around, you’d think I’d be the one getting married. Now COME ON GIRL! Ms. Lucy opened the shop today just for us. We can’t hold her up.”

  Shauna moved closer, to hurry the process.

  “I said...I’m coming.” Tanya moved away. “Chill. We’ll have enough time to get there. We’re only twenty minutes away Shauna.”

  “I’ll be in the car when you’re done!” Shauna stormed away.

  Tanya stayed in the mirror, relieved to be left alone. She wanted a peaceful morning before the wedding rehearsal. Determined to move on HER time, not anyone else’s.

  Deciding the bun wasn’t going to work, she pulled the straight strands into a simple ponytail. Making her way to the bedroom, she noticed an engagement photo with the love of her life, Kenneth, in a silver frame. The photo showed a happy couple, staring into each other’s eyes. Tanya took a moment to focus on their love captured in the image. His 6’0 height towered over her 5’6 stature. Their romance exuded with his caramel hands connecting with her dark chocolate hands.

  Kenneth was any woman’s dream guy. Lead landscaper at a notable company in Birmingham, AL. He made good money and owned a home in a decent neighborhood. Most importantly, he loved his fiancé' with everything in him. A simple guy who worked hard towards his dream of having a lucrative career, a home with his beautiful wife, and many kids to follow.

  Tanya, however, had different dreams. She loved to travel and imagined spending her life seeing different parts of the world. Settling down in Alabama wasn’t on the list of life goals. She desired the city growing up, and a partner who wanted the same. Giving that up was a hard compromise, but the love she had for Kenneth was worth the sacrifice.

  It became very clear that her fiancé was unyielding on her life plan when she received a job opportunity in Paris. At first, she was apprehensive to present it to him. Tanya prayed that he would understand how much it meant, and at least consider it. But as she initially expected, he didn’t want to discuss leaving Birmingham. It wasn’t in his nature to chase experiences in other parts of the world.

  Tanya didn’t put up a fight, nor give an ultimatum. Kenneth made her happier than any man she’d dated. The opportunity went to another candidate and she hid the disappointment to make the best of southern living with a good man. Choosing love over her dreams didn’t erase the sporadic temptations of desiring what could have been.

  Living in the “Heart of Dixie” was only supposed to be a pit stop. Tanya relocated from Miami, to help restructure the finance department for the company’s subsidiary. The move was a big adjustment from having a condo by the beach and a lively nightlife. However, living in the city where she attended college, along with moving closer to her close friends, Shauna and Keena, made it a little easier. An added bonus was meeting Kenneth. After that, her plans of moving out of the country fell away as she fell deeper in love.

  Their romance developed on a whim. Tanya hired his company for landscaping for her new townhome. The home, which was initially an investment property while working in Birmingham. Kenneth became captivated by her beauty and drive for success. Over time, he would come back to check up on the yard, free of charge of course. Their friendship quickly turned into love. Two years later he proposed, and six months after that, the wedding day was a little over 24 hours away.

  After the brief trip down memory lane, Tanya smiled at the photograph before leaving.

  She wasn’t the usual “Bridezilla”. Serene and nonchalant about the excitement going on around her. Although elated to be marrying Kenneth, she didn’t feel the “bride-to-be” spirits of anxiety and short patience. Shauna, the matron of honor, took over in that department.

  “All that time in the mirror and THIS is what you came up with!?!” Shauna teased as Tanya reached the car.

  “Shut up and drive.” She laughed, putting on her sunglasses.

  “I’m just saying, girl...”

  They drove down a winding road to get out of the neighborhood. Silence occupied the sedan as Tanya took in the view out the window. Gazing at the nice houses and grassy lawns, her mind drifted; unyielding to the temptation that plagued her.

  Shauna noticed the mental distance from her friend. “You okay?”

  “A month ago, I laid in Kenneth’s arms, thinking about eloping on an island. I never wanted a formal wedding. Dealing with fussy bridesmaids, no offense, families meeting each other, and everyone speaking their opinion like it’s THEIR day. Nuh-Uh. Not me. I just wanted my man. AND a preacher because, you know, we need someone to officiate.”

  The outburst shocked Shauna, curious about what brought on the speech. She kept her eyes on the road and waited for Tanya to get to the point. Secretly praying that her best friend wasn’t thinking about canceling.

  “So I told him, and of course he immediately disagreed. Kenneth feels that his family wouldn’t like us eloping. Then he went on and on about the money we already spent. But I didn’t care about the money or family being upset. I just wanted a sacred moment with my love, in a beautiful place. And he didn’t want that.” Tanya looked down at her phone, disheartened. She took a deep breath and continued.

  “So, I had to comply with my future head of household.” She said in a sarcastic tone.

  “Well, he did have a point. It’s way too late to change plans. And everyon
e has rearranged their couple’s outings to watch you two get married on Valentine’s Day.” Shauna attempted to lighten the mood.

  “Lucky me, I have a man who adores me in every beautiful way a woman desires. And, he has absolutely no sense of adventure. Kenneth wants to sell the townhome. MY townhome. Thinks it’s a waste of money to pay two mortgages. His house is bigger so it’ll be better to be there for our future kids. I wanted to hold on to the townhome, rent it out, and flip it when the market is better for buyers. Then, maybe buy a condo in New York or Miami as a second home. I hoped he’d at least be up for that, since leaving the country will never be an option for us. But, he says he doesn’t like it up north because it’s too cold and way too busy. And it rains too much in South Florida.”

  “So what does he want to do?”

  “Live in Alabama, and raise a family. Kenneth wants four kids! How can I keep up with having a career, being a wife, and a mother of four!? One would be nice....hmmm...maybe two. But FOUR!?!”

  Tanya shook her head and returned her eyes the window.

  “So after tomorrow, I’ll be an Alabama wife, a future mother of four, and living a stagnant life with the man of my dreams.” She concluded.

  That was the first time she spoke those words aloud. Tanya always felt that she was giving up something grand by not venturing into the unknown. She looked at the future as something that she settled for.

  “You’re starting to sound like a depressing novel Tanya.” Shauna replied. “Where is all of this coming from? And how do you know that life with Ken won’t be adventurous?”

  “Nope, it’s not depressing. I’ve always dreamt of meeting a man like Kenneth. But in my dreams, things ended differently, you know? He’s almost everything I want in a man. I never had to worry about playing mind games, cheating, him not making time for me...none of that.” She smiled. “But, there is that missing element from my list. He’s not open-minded about my ideas. Just shuts them down, and I have to get on board with what he wants.”

  “Tanya, you’ve GOT to let that dream go. We all have a road not taken. That’s life. But maybe being with Ken saved you from something.”

  “Saved me from what?”

  “More heartache, the terrible dating scene, STDs, drugs. Anyways, I’m glad you realize he’s a good man and holding on to that. Only a foolish woman would give up because he doesn’t have everything on her ‘list’.” Shauna preached.

  “Yea, I know what I have. I’m not crazy. It’s a happy ending. Just not that one I wrote in my book.” She replied in a low tone.

  “Are you happy?”

  She laughed and held up the phone to take a selfie. Shauna didn’t push for an answer. Settling with the thought that her friend caught the usual case of cold feet.

  A call from her fiancé placed the selfie session on hold.

  “Hey honey, are you done working?” She answered.

  “Yea I’m done, finally. Been up since 5am digging holes. Where are you? I stopped by your place and you weren’t there.” He replied.

  “Dang, you just missed us. Shauna and I are on our way to the dress shop so I can do a final fitting. Hopefully, I won’t need any alterations done.”

  “Isn’t it a little late for dress alterations?” Kenneth laughed.

  “Yes it’s last minute but, whatever. I’ll marry you in my robe if I have to!”

  The truth of the matter, Tanya kept putting off the last fitting. She wasn’t very enthused about going back to pick up the dress. Deep down, wishing the fiancé’ would change his mind and elope.

  “Oh, noooo baby. I want to see the dress that’s costing us a lot.”

  “Well, that’s what happens when you want a wedding. Money gets thrown around.”

  “I know baby...I know. I think we’re over budget.”

  “Ken. Honey, I already told you what I wanted to do.” She sighed, checking out her manicure.

  “Tanya, I told you that wasn’t an option. My parents don’t like to travel, and I want everybody in Birmingham talking about our wedding. That can’t happen if we ain’t here.” He replied.

  “You sound like a bride honey.” Tanya laughed.

  “Whatever! Am I going to see you before the rehearsal dinner?”

  She peeked over at Shauna. “Maybe. If Sgt. Shauna doesn’t have me doing random wedding duties.”

  “That’s cool. I thought we could sneak in a little ‘session’ before we see the fam.” Kenneth whispered.

  “You’re so bad! But I like that idea...Ok honey, I gotta go we’re pulling up to the shop now.”

  “Alright baby. I’ll see you later....I love you.” He said.

  His deep voice speaking those words sent a warm feeling straight to her heart.

  “I love you too honey. See you soon.”

  Tanya hung up and held the phone to her chest smiling.

  “Now THERE’S the blushing bride I’ve been waiting to see!” Shauna shouted while parking the car. “And for the record, it’s my duty as the maid of honor to keep you on task. So I’ll wear the title of Sgt. Shauna proudly!”

  “Matron...Shauna. You are not a maid.” Tanya corrected.

  Shauna shot a blank stare. “Just get out of the car before this lady turns us away for being late.”

  Tanya stepped out of the car and took a view at Shauna’s failed attempt to park.

  “Girl! Did you even try?” She asked pointing to the slanted vehicle. “Doesn’t look like you did.”

  “We are the only ones here, doesn’t matter.” Shauna rationalized.

  As soon as they walked into the shop, Ms. Lucy handed the bagged gown to Tanya, motioning her to go try it on.

  “Awe, here we go! Can’t wait to see it on you!” Shauna said with enthusiasm.

  ”Okay, here goes.” She said taking a deep breath before walking towards the fitting room.

  Tanya stared at the bag like she was about to make a big decision. She knew by putting on the dress, her life would change. In most ways for the better, but as time grew near, the reality set in that parts of her would have to fade. Mustering up the courage to block those thoughts, she unzipped the bag.

  Tanya slipped into the mermaid-style gown and glanced in the mirror. Imagining walking down the aisle brought a smile to her face. Her hands gently brushed across the crystal beading that led a trail of glimmer to the train. Thinking of Kenneth’s reaction to the gown, planted another warm smile. That moment filled her with eagerness about the wedding day. A feeling that she’d been waiting on for the past week.

  All the things that would make a bride-to-be fall apart, didn’t make Tanya flinch. Normal brides would constantly talk about their wedding in random conversations with loved ones and strangers, but she only mentioned it if asked. Even then, she expressed more excitement about the five-day cruise they were taking for the honeymoon.

  However, the wedding dress gave a unique awareness of spending the rest of her life with Kenneth. The worries about moving into his home and getting rid of hers wasn’t a bother.

  “Tanya! We’d like to see you too!” Shauna yelled.

  She emerged from the fitting room; greeted with gasps from her best friend and Ms. Lucy.

  “I’m getting married!” Tanya said teary-eyed.

  “You look gorgeous, young lady.” Ms. Lucy said. “And it fits perfectly. It doesn’t look like I need to do much more with it. Oh wait...the veil. I’ll go get it.”

  As the shop owner retrieved the veil, Shauna walked around Tanya for a better view of the gorgeous gown.

  “It fits perfectly. We can take this baby home today. Are you getting ready at the venue or your home?” She asked.

  “The venue.”

  “Are you sure it’s going to be open at the earlier time we requested?”

  “Yea, it will be.” Tanya replied as the tears dried up.

  “Is there a Plan B if it isn’t?”

  “Nope.”

  “Don’t you think we need one just in case?”

  The questio
ns caused Tanya’s mood to shift. Just like that, the magic of the gown disappeared.

  Ms. Lucy came back with the veil, and Shauna moved to the side as her best friend placed it on her head.

  “I got it...make sure you call the venue as soon as you wake up. That way if it isn’t open, we’ll all come to your house to get dressed. It’s big enough. But the flower girls and ring bearer can get dressed at the venue since it won’t take long AND we don’t want to risk them getting their outfits dirty.” Shauna said in a haste.

  “Sounds good Shauna.” Tanya replied, admiring herself in the gown.

  She needed a way to get the magic back. The feeling of being an ecstatic bride. The dress did it once, there couldn’t be any harm in relishing in the gown a little more to feel that again.

  “Do you think I need more beading here?” Tanya asked, staring at the back of the gown in the mirror.

  “WHAT!?!? Tanya your wedding is tomorrow! We don’t have time for additions to the dress. It looks fine the way it is.” Shauna asserted.

  “Shauna, it’s my day. And I want more beading in the back. It shouldn’t be too much work. Just a few lines here.” Tanya pointed to the semi-empty area.

  “Don’t be ridiculous.”

  “Ms. Lucy, Can you make that happen before tomorrow?” Tanya eagerly asked.

  The last-minute request threw Ms. Lucy into dismay. But in the spirit of appeasing her client, she agreed.

  “Well, it’ll take an all-niter to get it ready by the morning but I’ll do it for you.”

  “Perfect! Now this will be the dress of my dreams.” The bride-to-be smiled.

  Shauna shook her head. She couldn’t fathom why her friend was being so demanding.

  “Tanya do you want me to take a photo, we have to go now. We still have more errands before the rehearsal.” Shauna grabbed her phone. “I need to call the caterer for tonight, pick up some bow ties, and figure out...”

  “Just take the picture Shauna!” Tanya interrupted, getting annoyed.

  “No posting!” Ms. Lucy joked.

  “Ha! Of course not. I want to send this to my parents. They’re coming in from Miami this afternoon.” Tanya replied, striking a few poses.